Tamer's can.

Again

I dont know why this is bothering me so much

I finally felt free for a while but then just as happiness comes and shows itself,
green eyes and a smile take it away again

I got over the blue, i really did.

why God ( the only one i can ask)
why have you sent me into this precipice?

Have i really wronged all those people so much so that you have placed me here.

I didnt mean it, i was stupid…. a stupid kid.

I dont know what to do… i feel so alone… and empty..

I miss the summer, when happiness smiled at me and in my ignorance and naivety i smiled back.

All those songs i listen to dont mean anything, they only perpetuate the falling 

I thought i grew up since then, but im still that stupid 15 year old loser..

i try to hide it best i can..

I smile when I’m asked to smile.
i smile when they want me to
but i havent smiled when i wanted to, in quite some time…
I hope this winter helps me clear the darkness…
Sometimes i feel like the people i know are always lying to me about everything
to keep me the way they want me to be kept…

How cruel of them.. to play with my emotions like that
let me live in peace why cant you?!

but they’re not entirely to blame.
I lie to myself alot to.
So much so I start accepting my lies as truth and my reality is rewritten into a disarray of memories and dreams,
Surprised are you?
good because i was hoping you would be reader…

It’s just like last time with the blue..
and just like last time
i cant prevent it.. 

Happy birthday

Every birthday i try to look at myself (figuratively) to see how much i have grown and how much i have changed from the previous year. I try to NOT change because i dont want to grow up but somehow i always change.

I’ve been feeling a bit… anouyed lately, perhaps it is school but i think its more than that, i think it’s the way i have been thinking and acting these days. It’s weird for me to say this but i don’t feel real. I look at my hands and ask myself “what am i”..”what sort of strange creature am I”. I’m not sure if this makes sense or maybe you’ll understand it differently but i want out. Alot of the times i feel claustrophobic even if I’m outside.

 I don’t trust anyone and i everything i see or read about

i doubt.

I look at people in public and the first thing i think about is “they’re all monkeys” or “they’re all cows” i don’t know why but I’ve started to hate humans and i hate myself for being human. I don’t act the way i want to act. i have this VERY naive way of looking at the world. All i want to do his help people but at the same time i hate people.

Perhaps it’s for not helping other people who need it or for following they’re own selfish agenda.

The only time i feel any sort of peace is when i draw(which i have been doing ALOT of lately), listen to music, or read an interesting book.

I’m so tired of everything..

I want it to be summer…

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Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

I just finished watching this movie and i absolutely loved it. Im not gonna talk much about it because frankly if i do i will ruin the entire thing.

but what i really wanted to NOTE was this one thing Joel(the main character) did in the movie.

He tends to draw his dreams in this book and then he writes about them.

The thing that fascinated me was the fact that these drawings were rough and pure.

They don’t go into much about it but i found myself wanting to do the same thing.

A buddy of mine gave me a Indigo Moleskine note book a few weeks ago, and i still haven’t found a use for it… until today.

So starting from today I will draw everything that I dream or even what i feel into this book sort of like what Joel did.

I’m not sure if i want to post them here mainly because these drawings will be very personal, but we’ll see how they turn out. ;)

-tamerthelame

Sick Dream’s

Excuse this post for being extremely geeky and maybe even a bit insane

So last night i was really sick and i had a stomach virus. I took some medicine and went to bed.

Now onto the dream its not meant to make any sense and try to ignore the silliness :P.

Try to picture lord of the rings.

I am the king of Rohan but i call myself the king of Gondor for some odd reason and i have been cursed by the black wizard.

This curse makes me do terrible things to my people.

I see a white light and I wake up.

My head felt like it was about to explode, my ears were blocked up and my face was burning up.

I drink some water and go back to sleep.

The white light was the white wizard and he had come and cured me of the evil curse.

He tells me that the black wizard, who is now angry is coming to attack rohan(but i kepting thinking gondor).

The black wizard to my knowledge is a cross between voldamart(harry potter) and dracula(castlevania).

I prepare my troops and head out to battle.

It’s a fierce battle,i get knocked down from my horse by the black wizard and just as he stabs me in the chest with his giant sword the Dark Knight himself, Batman comes out of nowhere and starts to fight the wizard.

He manages to fend of the black wizard but his soldiers attack batman and toss him over a cliff.

I wake up again but this time i get up and vomit.

My mom hears me and asks me if I’m okay

i tell her gondor, she realizes the fever has gotten to my head, so she takes me back to my room.

 I lye in my bed for a few hours, the shadows in my room start dancing and make strange shapes. My head starts to throb even worse when i see this one shadow with a blue face on its chest. The shadow starts putting a crystal down the face’s throat and it starts to choke.

The blue face was my face and i release that the shadow is Death trying to kill me. My heart sinks as i picture myself being buried. I start to wonder who would come to my funeral and who wouldn’t. I sit up, drink some more water and go back to sleep

Im back in rohan in my castle. the castle is being attacked by hundreds of monsters that resembled the shadows. and then i see death again walking towards me.

A bat flys in threw the window and transforms into a man.

The man is Alucard(son of Dracula).

He fights of death and I ask him why he was helping me

It turns out that Alucard was actually Batman in disguise 

He told me that he turned into a bat when they threw him over the cliff.

I wake up again

I look at the clock its 1:30 pm so I get up, have breakfast and start watching lord of the rings

I hope you enjoyed this post

If you’re confused I wouldn’t blame you and if your wondering of an ending I dont have one or I forgot it lol

-tamerthelame

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Rabba

Local Rabba 15 min ago
Brown guy1 (who is high)  trying to buy sheesha: what flavour is this
cashier:vanilla
Brownguy2(who is also high): does it have tobacco?
cashier: tobacco free sir
brownguy1:tobacco?
cashier:no tobacco sir
brownguy1 and 2:*stand there for 5 minutes
brownguy1:tobacco?
cashier:no
i start laughing
brown guy turns around confused as hell
cashier starts laughing
brown guys starts talking with each other in punjabi
im still laughing
brown guy1 ask me if i know where the tobacco is.
i tell him to ask the cashier
brown guy 1 asks cashier: tobacco?
i go to other cashier that just opened up and leave.
this is probably still going on.

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